Monthly Archives: March 2011

Give individual instruction

Credit: kiwinz via Flickr

Do you have two or more children? If so, this is for you. Have you ever given an instruction that applies to both children and gotten zero response? Doesn’t it seem logical to give an instruction to two or more kids at the same time than to get their attention individually? We should be able to do so, but unfortunately, it doesn’t work.

If you’ve been following this blog, you’re no stranger to the idea that we need to call our kids’ names and get a “yes, mommy” and eye contact before we give an instruction. It makes perfect sense and works very well when you’re working with one child.

But what do you do when you have an instruction for two or more children? Should you:

  • Option #1: Skip the process and just give your instruction?
  • Option #2: Call both children’s names at the same time?
  • Option #3: Call each name individually and go through the process as you would with one child?

I speak from experience when I suggest that you do the latter. Yes, it sounds very inefficient and like over-kill, but it works. Here’s how these scenarios play out in my home:

Option #1

Me: Boys, go wash your hands for dinner!

Them: Silence and inaction.

Option #2

Me: William and Lucas?

Them: Silence as they each wait for the other to respond.

Option #3

Me: William?

William: Yes, mommy?

Me: Go wash your hands for dinner.

William: Yes, mommy (as he goes to wash up).

Me: Lucas?

Lucas: Yes, mommy?

Me: Go wash your hands for dinner.

Lucas: Yes, mommy (as he goes to wash up).

When you do this, it’s always wise to call the older child first (assuming your older child has a better level of first-time obedience). You want the child who has better first-time obedience to set the example for the younger child. That way, the younger child will easily follow suit.

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Filed under first-time obedience, prevention

Character foundations: respect, honor and honesty

I flipped open my Growing Kids God’s Way workbook just now and came upon a passage I had previously highlighted. I’ve been thinking a lot about my children’s character lately, so it’s fitting that the book opened to this page. Here’s the quote:

“The quality of your character and that of your children is best exemplified by the presence or absence of three attributes: respect, honor and honesty. … Respect, honor and honesty are critical fibers in the moral fabric of our being. To respect our fellow man is to honor him, and to honor him is to live honestly before him. The parent’s job is to take the intangible concepts of respect, honor and honesty and make them tangible—to take their abstract meanings and make them concrete. They must show their children what moral truth looks like,” (Growing Kids God’s Way, p. 90-91).

With this in mind, I looked at the house rules I have displayed on my white board to see if they help accomplish this goal. I have had these rules on my board for quite a while and considered revising them simply because my kids are older, but ultimately I decided to leave them as they are. This tells me that these rules—founded on the basis of respect, honor and honesty—are constants in our lives. Following is a list of house rules you might consider as you expect these character traits in your children.

  • Obey mommy and daddy; say “yes, mommy” and “yes, daddy”
  • Be true in all things; never tell a lie
  • Always use nice words; nasty attitudes are never tolerated
  • Be polite; say “please” and “thank you”
  • Answer when spoken to; say “hello” and “goodbye”
  • Respect and obey adults; make eye contact and respond kindly

As I was writing this, I started to wonder what the real difference is between respect and honor. According to Microsoft Word, the words are synonymous. Yet, there is a wise quote from a 19-year-old girl in the GKGW workbook that distinguishes the two:

“I can never remember a time in my life when I was not required to show all those in positions of authority respect. It is second-nature for me to do so, although it is hard sometimes to respect a person who is in authority over you because of a lack of integrity in their personal life. It helped when my parents explained the difference between respecting the person and respecting the position. I can always respect a position of authority out of a sense of duty. When I respect someone in authority because of the way they conduct their life, I am honoring them out of a sense of devotion. Understanding the difference between ‘duty’ and ‘devotion’ helps me always respect authority figures,” (Growing Kids God’s Way, p. 91).

I think of respect as being action-oriented while honor is more of an attitude or belief. While our children are young, we ought to expect actions that reflect respect. With such a foundation then, they are well equipped to develop a sense of honor for those things they have been taught to respect.

How well does your parenting teach your children to show respect, honor and honesty?

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Filed under moral training, parenting philosophy

Tuesday Triumphs: Family stability

Notice how the parents are in the center of this picture. In most family pictures, the children are in the center. I like it much better this way. 🙂

On Friday, my husband went to a friend’s house after work, so the kids and I were on our own for dinner and bedtime. I took them out to dinner, and while we were out, I told them that I would need their cooperation since I would be putting them to bed by myself. William looked at me like I had three heads and asked, “How are you going to do that?!”

What makes his comment noteworthy is that not long ago, I put them to bed by myself every night—for six months. My husband was deployed to Afghanistan and just came home in November.

I reminded William of this, and he seemed to remember, but I’m still shocked by his initial reaction. My husband has been home less than four months, which seems like nothing to me, but I suppose in the life of a child, four months is a long time.

But more important is the idea that my kids have bounced back so easily from the deployment. Those six months were definitely a struggle for all of us. We all had times when we missed him terribly. I expected William to have a harder time with it since he’s older and more aware than his brother, but I didn’t expect him to forget about it less than four months later.

The experience tells me that my kids are resilient to any change or difficulty in our lives, and it’s probably because of the stability we have here at home. Despite the change and difficulty that the deployment brought, our family life is very stable.

This circles back to the marriage priority that I have learned from the Ezzo books. Honestly, if I hadn’t been introduced to these books, I never would have thought to make my marriage a priority for the sake of the children. In fact, most parents these days believe they must put the children above all else, including the marriage. Yet, if we make our marriages the priority, we establish firm family stability—for the children.

Feeling grateful

Ever since I started writing these Tuesday Triumphs, I have become all the more aware of how great my kids are and how meaningful the Ezzos’ books have been to my parenting. Yesterday, when I started contemplating what to write about, I couldn’t really think of much. The troubles we’ve had this week seemed to outweigh the good times. But then I was reminded of this one little comment that William made, and not only did it turn into a whole blog post, but it makes me think about the big picture and validates almost everything I’m doing as a parent.

Your opinion?

So I love to write these posts, but of course, I’m not writing for myself. I’d love to get your thoughts on this series. Do you enjoy reading about our triumphs? Are they entertaining? Are they helpful at all? My intentions are to continue blogging about general parenting, but there’s only so much time in the day. Given that I have a limited amount of time to blog, would you prefer that I offer more generic parenting advice and stick to the books, or should I keep going with my Tuesday Triumphs? Are there any topics that you’d like me to blog about?

Let me know what you think! Please leave a comment below.

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Filed under parenting philosophy, Tuesday Triumphs